my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
