But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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