community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
