There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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