You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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