I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
