wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
