morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
