I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
