I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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