I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
