Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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