oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
