Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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