Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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