the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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