.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
