I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
