I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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