She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The air was thick with penises
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
