I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
