Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
