R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
