i think my mom watched the whole time
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
