he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
there is puke in my bra ... again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
