I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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