For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
