Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
