That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
