After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
