I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
