i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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