I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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