Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
