First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
