I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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