you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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