You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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