White coat. Heels.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
