The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
