Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
