You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
