Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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