you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
