No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
