If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
