Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
