i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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