If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
