yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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