Taylor Swift is so right about you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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