I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
