I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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