my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
